GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY MY SCOOTER
TRYING TO STEAL MY GODDAMN WHOOPIE PIES
SHE THOUGHT THAT I WAS SLEEPING CUZ I WAS SNORING
SHE WAS WRONG NOW SHE’S GOT A LIMP AND ONE GLASS EYE

ON CHRISTMAS EVE SHE COMES A WASSLING
AND PLANS TO STAY JUST FOR THE NIGHT
THEN PLOPS HER FAT ASS ON THE SOFA
CHANGES THE CHANNEL AND EATS UP ALL MY PIZZA BITES

I FEEL HER BEADY EYES UPON ME
HER DENTURES CLACKING, SHE LICKS HER LIPS
I KNOW SHE’S CRAVING SOMETHING SWEETER
SINCE SHE JUST POLISHED OFF MY LAST BAG OF SALTY CHIPS

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY MY SCOOTER
TRYING TO STEAL MY GODDAMN WHOOPIE PIES
SHE THOUGHT THAT I WAS SLEEPING CUZ I WAS SNORING
SHE WAS WRONG NOW SHE’S GOT A LIMP AND ONE GLASS EYE

SHE WAKES UP AT 4 IN THE MORNING
BACON AND COFFEE FILL THE AIR
NORMALLY I WOULDN’T MIND IT
BUT THAT OLD FART HAS NO INTENTIONS TO FRIGGIN’ SHARE.

NOW YOU COULD SAY I LOVE MY GRANDMA
LIKE ANY GOOD PERSON WOULD DO
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS GOODIES
THAT HEIFER ALWAYS SWALLOWS BEFORE SHE CHEWS.

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY MY SCOOTER
TRYING TO STEAL MY GODDAMN WHOOPIE PIES
SHE THOUGHT THAT I WAS SLEEPING CUZ I WAS SNORING
SHE WAS WRONG NOW SHE’S GOT A LIMP AND ONE GLASS EYE

SHE’S BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH EGG NOG
SHE ATE THREE RUM CAKES BY HERSELF
NOW SHE’S PINCHING CHRIS’ BOOTY
AND TELLS TAMMY ALL DYKES ARE GONNA BURN IN HELL

NOW GRANDMA’S HAD JUST ONE TOO MANY
IT’S TIME TO SEND HER ON HER WAY
I SAW HER REACHING FOR MY WHOOPIES
I KNEW THAT I MIGHT JUST KILL HER IF SHE STAYED